Die, Vampire.

IMAG1009This week I have been writing the final chapter of the sequel to my first fantasy novel, Kinglet.

The sequel is called Fiskur.  I’ve been working on it for a solid year.  I’m generally really happy with it, except that I think it’s too long.  I’m not worried about that; I edit pretty well and can probably lose several thousand words just by tightening up my prose.

Why, then, am I sad as I write this last chapter?  It could be because the chapter itself is sad.  It could be that the last couple of chapters have been tough to write, simply because I have a lot of loose ends to tie up and a lot of new plot lines to lay out for Book Three.  It could be that it’s been kind of a weird week and I’m just tired.

But I know it’s not any of those things.  I know it’s because I’m having  an attack of Major Self Doubt.  I finished Kinglet last year and it isn’t published yet.  I haven’t even found an agent for it – only a nibble or two.  Who am I kidding?  Have I wasted hours and days and weeks and months of my life writing a sequel to a book that no publisher will ever want?  Have I been foolish in closing my ears to the people who tell me I should trunk this project and spend my time writing something more marketable?  Am I a hack?  A fool?  And worse than that, a stubborn fool?

I know I am not unique in having these thoughts.  Heck, you can go to any writers’ forum (I frequent this one) and find plenty of fellow writers in similar mental anguish to share your woes and keep you company.  But as comforting as sympathetic company and shared misery might be, ultimately you have to return to your manuscript.  Ultimately you’ve got to put your fingers back on the keyboard and your brain back into the world you’ve created and tell that story you want to tell – that you’ve been driven to tell all through the hours and days and weeks and months and hell, yes, the years.

And to do that, you’ve got to beat back the Major Self Doubt.  You have to summon up your courage and your spirit and your muse and Get. Back. To. Work.  But sometimes that’s real hard.

So I’m sharing a little tune here that comes from my other world – the world of theatre.  This is a song called “Die, Vampire, Die!” and it’s from a musical called [title of show], written by Jeff Bowen and Hunter Bell.  It’s brilliant.  It should be the Fight Song for anyone in the business of creation.  (In my opinon, the real meat of the song really begins at 1:40.)  So I hope you enjoy it (warning: may not be suitable for playing at work or around small impressionable children).

Me, I’m headed back to finish that final chapter.

 

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7 comments

  1. Shannon

    I had a similar experience. I had the first draft done of my sequel and the terrifying realization that the first book hadn’t gone anywhere yet. But I know that sequel was the right thing to write because the story was right there in my head ready to go. Instead of cleaning up my sequel, I started on something new that was entirely different, with the promise that I could always go back to the sequel if the first book sold. It hasn’t sold, but I’ve never regretted anything I’ve written. Don’t worry. Do your part and write the story. Completing that first draft is always a triumph.

  2. Taylor

    Hey Donna… As you know, I didn’t only have self- doubt but I had others telling me “no way!” It all boils down to what YOU want. You can spend your life telling yourself it’s not good enough, it’s not marketable, I should just quit and stick with what I know…that’s the easy path…very boring.

    I would rather try and fail, than sit back and wallow in regret! I’ve read your excerpts and your blogs. You are a talented writer…you have a valuable gift…a story that others will love! Stop waiting for someone to throw you crumbs! Go for the whole cake. You may not be E L James…I’m certainly not, but you will thrive both personally and professionally as a writer. You have a talent and a story that needs to be shared.

    Dump the doubt my sweet sister…do it yourself…FOR YOU!

    Love and faith in you, ~Taylor~

    Sent from my iPad

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